Baba
Here is the relevant portion of the chapter from Dada Tapeshvaranandji's book, "Living with Baba." The exact name of the chapter is, 'Tests - Seven Test of the Guru.'
Tests
Seven Tests of the Guru
Whenever I met the Margiis, they would ask me very penetrating questions about the incident which disturbed me, as I could not give adequate or convincing replies to them. I eventually became more and more agitated.
I could not take this anymore. The agony was unbearable. How could she have left Baba? Was she not God-realized? If she, as His wife, could not realize or understand His true nature, then how could we ever realize Him? Why was Baba not able to foresee this incident, and prevent it? If Baba is really Parama Purusa and knows everything, how could He have allowed this to happen?
These questions relentlessly swirled in my head. To make matters worse, the Margiis kept asking, "If Baba could not even control His own wife, then how can He control His disciples? How can He control the Universe? How can He create and establish a spiritual Mission? Were Srimati Uma and the others who left with her not doing their meditation regularly? And if they were, how could they have suffered this spiritual downfall, how could they have fallen from the spiritual path, and fallen so abysmally? If by doing sadhana there is no guarantee of remaining safely on the spiritual path, then why should we meditate?"
I became more and more perturbed, as I was unable to answer all those difficult, ruthlessly embarrassing questions. It was not only the Margiis who were seeking answers to those questions; I too was looking for appropriate answers to clear my confusion.
In this state of mental turmoil, a mysterious force somehow seemed to compel me to go to Patna to see Baba Himself, although my objective mind did not want to meet Him. In fact, I was rather angry with Baba for allowing these ugly circumstances to arise.
After arriving in Patna, I decided to eat a few hot puris and jalebi, which is a coiled orange-colored sweet, for breakfast. I thought I would first take some rest and a bath. Having completed these tasks, I would then meditate. This fact that I postponed my meditation until after all the other tasks, clearly indicated how confused I was. I did not inform anybody of my arrival, as I did not want to meet anyone at that time.
